


Cullen Rutherford | Unexpected Struggles

by GaunterODimm



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Blood and Gore, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Haven (Dragon Age), Hey that's new, Mutual Pining, No Smut, Reader is not Inquisitor, dragon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:01:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24819595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaunterODimm/pseuds/GaunterODimm
Summary: To help out your family, you enrol under your sick twin brother’s name in the Inquisition’s army, not expecting to fall in love and causing Cullen Rutherford to question his own sexuality.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Reader
Kudos: 33





	Cullen Rutherford | Unexpected Struggles

**Author's Note:**

> Request for Blutfeder
> 
> Word count: 3400+  
> TW: Blood and violence  
> Relationship: Commander and recruit

The mountains around Haven were mercilessly cold, but the adrenaline seeping through your veins had fire kindling within your heart with every swing of your sword. And while your lungs burned and steel clashed steel, Cullen Rutherford stood watching like a hawk over his recruits.

The former Templar was quite impressed to find the fresh soldiers of the Inquisition at its rebirth already incredibly proficient, and you were among the fighters who stood out exceptionally to the commander. Together with Cassandra he had managed to seek out the most skilled and separate them from the rookies who needed more training. Once they were more advanced, they could climb the ranks and train themselves alike, as to where the novices required more assistance.

Sister Leliana appeared at his side. She pulled him from his thoughts with a soft clearing of her throat.

“Can I help you?” Cullen sounded more annoyed than concerned, all whilst his eyes were fixated upon _your_ form. There was something very elegant about your movements, almost feminine… You were agile and seemed like you were dancing when your opponent moved to strike—

\--“I have delivered a bunch of reports to your office.” – a makeshift table in the corner of the chapel, really, shielded by some crates in an attempt to create a more private setting – “And they should be looked upon at once. Just to let you know.”

Cullen rubbed his chin, pondering said message. “How much is it?” he questioned, though reluctance laced through his voice. He really couldn’t be bothered, and a strange feeling bubbled inside of him whilst his gaze stood fixated upon you. Your movements were entrancing, unlike anything he had ever seen before.

“Quite a lot. I’d usually suggest Josephine could assist you with sorting them out, but I believe she is quite busy right now.”

“Hm. Thank you for informing me. I will look into them as soon as I can.”

When Leliana had disappeared in the corner of his eye, he turned to find Cassandra. Her heavy accent was laced with fire and pride as she called over the sound of fighting: “Watch your flank! Wrong! Pay attention to your footwork!”

“Cassandra.” The woman in question looked at the commander.  
“Yes?” The scar on her cheek was red and angry, as if affected by the weather. Snow and frost were never good for one’s skin, let alone if it was damaged.

“I will sadly have to leave you alone. I need to see some files. Sister Leliana said that it’s urgent.”

Cassandra gave a firm nod. “I see. Why don’t you take one or a few of the more advanced recruits to help you out. That way you can return to here quicker and things won’t take too long.”

“Alright.” Cullen said. “I can work with that.”

It was the perfect opportunity to seek you out – there was this odd pull towards you for some reason. On one hand, he wanted to get to know you, but on the other, he wanted to push that curiosity away – you were a man after all.

“You there, uh… Soldier, I require your assistance.”

You were too deeply involved into your footwork to notice him. He stepped forward, avoiding a few battling soldiers, and he put a hand on your shoulder.

You jumped at the sudden contact, spinning around out of pure instinct, ready to charge, when you were suddenly met with the broad chest of commander Cullen.

Feeling your cheeks flame from embarrassment, you quickly brought your weapon down at your side. “Commander.” you squeaked, taking a step back.  
Cullen narrowed his eyes at your face. There was something odd… Or were it those dashing (e/c) eyes that bore right into his?

It was when you looked away that he spoke up.  
“I need your help with some paperwork. Since you’re already a very capable soldier, I believe that it won’t harm you too much to take a short break from all of this.”

He rubbed his neck whilst you sheathed your sword. “Of-Of course, commander.”

When he turned around, you followed him inside, always just a pace behind him. It would be disrespectful to walk right next to him. He was the commander after all and could probably kill you in a blink of an eye. For a second, you imagined what he looked like underneath all that armour of his. The idea of rolling muscles had you swallow hard.

“These are the files.” Cullen said. “Just… Let’s put them into alphabetical order first. The files marked with the word ‘important’ on it with red ink should have a stack of their own. I ah…”

He scratched his chin in thought, looking over at you. “I never quite caught your name, soldier.”

“Oh, uh… It’s (B/n) (L/n).”  
Cullen nodded. “(B/n) (L/n). How did you end up in the inquisition?”

Your heart dropped at the question, even though you knew he meant no harm.

“I’d rather not talk about it. What is important is what is going on right now. The Inquisitor should close the Breach as soon as he can. Things will be better soon and then I can return home.

“I respect your privacy. How do you think of everything so far?”

It was quite special that the commander asked _your_ opinion. Not even your parents had wanted to hear what you had to say, about your own life, about your own future…

You shook away the thought, reminding yourself that you still had to answer his question.  
“I think training is going well. I trust the Inquisitor and am willing to fight under his command… And yours, of course.”

Cullen showed a lop-sided grin and you blushed a little under the safe cover of your helmet. Though it was starting to get very warm in your wintery outfit. The commander was alike armed to the teeth, a thick lining of brown fur framing his handsome face—Wait, what were you thinking?

“Though I find that most of these people snore quite loudly when it comes to sleeping in the barracks. And one of them kicked me in the face the other day during the night.”

You laughed a little and much to your delight, Cullen followed shortly. The sound of his chuckle made your stomach spin. Everything about this man was gorgeous. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t checked him out occasionally.

It would never be, you figured. You were merely a recruit, and he was the commander. Not to forget; you were imposing like a man, your brother to be exact.

Cullen was in dilemma. There was something so enthralling about you, something that piqued his interest more than anyone ever had. When your arm brushed his, his heart started to beat a little faster. Was he starting to run a fever? A gloved hand ran through the golden strands of his hair.

The gears in his mind grinded like never before when you bent over to grab a file on the other side of the table. The commander’s cheeks flamed brightly red and he tried his best to keep his eyes from wandering – how did you have such feminine curves?

He cleared his throat a few times, but it was of no use against the dryness that started to grow on the roof of his mouth. “Are you alright, commander?” He flinched and you immediately started to realize that it might’ve been inappropriate to ask, and you were about to open your mouth and apologize, but he spoke earlier:

“Yes, I am fine, soldier. Thank you. Let’s finish those files quickly so we can return to training.”

You nodded and in silence, continued to sort out the paperwork. From the corner of your eye, you noticed him looking at you intently. Your heart fluttered inside your chest. Was he checking you out, or was it just wishful thinking?

“That’s all of them.” you said while putting down the final file on the correct stack. You tried to make your voice sound confident, but it cracked slightly.

Cullen nodded. “Alright. Thank you for your work, soldier.”

“Any time, commander.”

Without saying anything else, you went back to your other duties.

~

A few days later, the Inquisitor managed to close the Breach. The sound of party and the smell of food spread around Haven like wildfire. Upon hearing the incredible news, you soon joined the festivities, a lukewarm ale in hand, clinking bottles with your fellow recruits.

A little away, you noticed the commander standing on his own, drinking in silence whilst looking out over the celebration. You contemplated in your mind if it was appropriate to go, but it was as if your feet were automatically carrying your towards him already.

“Good evening, commander.” He seemed to jump at the sudden voice next to him. The last few days must’ve been exhausting for him, you figured.

“Oh, good evening, (B/n). How are you doing?”  
“I’m fine, commander. What about you? Why don’t you come join us and share a drink?”

He smiled a little at you and moved to tap his drink against yours. Your throat ran dry at the sudden closeness of his hand to yours and you brought the bottle to your lips to sip from it. It did not ease. The towering presence of Cullen Rutherford did that to you.

You wanted to ask him if he wanted to dance with you. But you bit your tongue instead.

In a pleasant silence, you looked at the scenery around you. Fresh snow had fallen that night and covered the world around Haven in a state of peace and quiet. For a moment, you wished to be out there, preferably with the commander. Away from the sound of cheering and chattering. Just the two of you, and it’d feel like heaven. You didn’t expect any to happen, though, just talking. Getting to know him. Your stomach felt warm with drink and feelings.

“What’s that?” Cullen pulled you from your daydream-date. You followed his gaze and were disoriented for a moment as your eyes fixated upon the mountains. A stream of lights approached Haven… Without any word to you, the commander rushed away, alarming his troops.

The shrill sound of a bell loudly overpowered the singing and laughing. It all died down at once.

Cullen appeared a little away, just out of sight from you. “Forces approaching! To arms!” he hollered to his recruits.

You drew your sword, discarding the bottle onto the ground. Panic started to flood the people of Haven, and soon, everything was clouded in chaos and sheer dismay.

Outside of the gates, you were put on duty to fight until death.  
But these enemies were stronger and different than you had ever fought. Driven by hate and anger, under an unknown banner.

In the meantime, the Inquisitor and his party managed to man the trebuchet and cause an avalanche. It seemed to wipe out all enemies, but the feel of victory was only temporary.

Upon retreating inside the walls of Haven, you saw a large shadow looming overhead, accompanied by a screech so bone-chilling that it stopped you in your tracks. It was a roar that made the hairs of your neck stand on end and for a moment you couldn’t move.

It was long enough for the monster to swoop down, slashing at you with one of his claws. It failed to fling you away, though managed to create a gash across your shoulder.  
“(B/n!)” you heard Cullen call out. You fell to your knees, taken over by the searing pain.

The fabric of your armour was immediately soaked with blood and you felt yourself to become drowsy. “Stay awake, stay awake. We are going to get you out of here!” you heard Cullen say.

He hesitated when he saw you were in no condition to stand up and walk. Would it be odd if… No, any commander would do such a thing for his soldiers. He scooped you up, surprised by how light you were. It was not a muscled male body like he had expected, but perhaps you had just been eating a little less than usual?

You heard the voice of the Inquisitor call out, shouting something.  
Trying to figure out what they were saying, you barely felt yourself slipping into unconsciousness.  
The final thing you notice before falling into that slumber is being carried inside the Chantry.

~

When you awakened, you were surrounded by furs and blankets. The ground underneath you was hard and uncomfortable, and you noticed you were laying in a bedroll. Wanting to focus on your surroundings, you tried sitting up. A sharp pain in your left shoulder made you change your mind; a terrible pain made you hiss in discomfort.

“Easy there, just lay down.”  
You swallowed in an attempt to moisten your dry throat. It was of no use, since it felt as if you hadn’t drunk in days.  
“Mother Giselle?” you whispered when you saw her familiar face lean over you.

She dabbed a damp cloth against your forehead.  
“We are glad that you’ve awakened.”  
“What happened? And can I have some water, please? I’m parched.”

Mother Giselle took a bowl of water and offered you some. You greedily sipped from it until it was almost empty.

“When Haven was under attack, a dragon’s claw injured you.”  
“A dragon?!”  
“Yes. Your wound made you lose blood so fast your fingers had already turned blue. It’s a miracle you’re still alive.”

You laid a hand upon your wound and felt the skin immediately throb in irritation. Quickly withdrawing it, you realized how lucky you had been.

“I will inform the commander of your awakening. He has been worried about you.”  
She sweetly smiled at you with a glimmer in her eyes.

You frowned. “The commander? Why?”  
“You seem to be quite special to him.”

Confusion started to build and as Mother Giselle left you, you tried getting up again.  
“Mother Giselle, could you explain—”

But she was already out of earshot, and you felt a sharp pain surge through your shoulder, as if something snapped. “Fuck!” you cried out, immediately feeling dizzy again.  
It were mere seconds before you felt the world become dark once more.

~

The first sounds you noticed were surgeons and healers walking around you among grunting of other patients. The air was warmer than before, and the scent of old stone filled your nose.

A surgeon knelt down next to you to see how you were doing. Upon noticing that you were trying to open your eyes, he greeted you.  
“Hello, (Y/n).”

Panic built inside your chest immediately and you shot up. You remembered that you were injured and screwed your eyes shut, but the pain did not come. Apparently, your wound had started to heal nicely.

“How… How do you know my name? And where am I?”  
The surgeon smiled a little. “We are in Skyhold. You tore a few stiches back at our temporary camp and started bleeding again. Don’t worry, you are safe now.”

You wanted to open your mouth to reply that he hadn’t answered your other question, but a familiar face appeared right in front of you.

You gasped in pure delight and surprise. “(B/n)!”  
Forgetting your wounds and ignoring the surgeon’s distraught protests, you shot up out of your bedroll to hug your brother.

“(Y/n), sweet Maker… You’ve been so stupid!”  
You smacked (B/n) playfully against the back of his head, but held onto him nevertheless.

After a minute of hugging him – both out of happiness and concern – you pulled back.  
“What are you doing here?”

Upon further inspection, you saw the bags under his eyes. He was thinner than when you had last seen him. “You aren’t well.” you whispered. “You should’ve stayed home to rest.”

“I caught wind of what happened at Haven. I… I wanted to see if you were still alive.”

“Isn’t there a thing like twin-instinct?” you said with a kind smile. “Oh, you stupid brother.”

You hugged him again. “Please, stay here. Life has been difficult without you and the trip back will be fatal for you. When you’re better, you could stay here, if you’d like.”

Before (B/n) could answer your offer, a throat cleared behind you.

When you gazed over your shoulder, you felt your cheeks begin to flame.

Commander Cullen was standing a little away, his hands casually resting on the pommel of his sword. He had a bit of an awkward expression on his face and he rubbed his neck.

“So, your real name is (Y/n) then?”  
“Yes, commander.” you said.  
You gestured towards your brother.  
“This is (B/n). My twin brother.”

The blond man smiled. “I can tell.”  
He walked a little closer and you became self-conscious by your appearance.  
You hadn’t bathed in days and you could only imagine how foul your breath must smell…

“He was… He was supposed to enrol in the Inquisition because we needed money for treatment. But he was real sick and I couldn’t… I couldn’t allow him to go head first into battle, and so I took his place.”

Cullen scratched the scruff on his chin.  
“So you’re a woman after all. That explains why I felt so confused about your presence.”  
“Huh?” you quizzed.  
He immediately cleared his throat.  
“Never mind. Why don’t you take a bath whilst I show your brother a place to rest? Meet me on the wall near my office once you’re done.”

For a moment, you feared your ears were fooling you. When Cullen was still looking at you expectantly, awaiting an answer, you snapped out of it. “Of course, commander.”

“Cullen is fine, really.”  
He gave you a lopsided smirk before escorting your brother to the inn.

~

After washing up, you nervously went to Skyhold’s wall, shivering from the slight cold wind even though you were still pleasantly warm from the bath.

“I was wonder when you’d come. Enjoyed your bath?”  
Cullen stood next to you, leaning his arms on the stone whilst looking at you.

“I certainly did, comman… Cullen.”  
He smiled. “I’m glad. How is your wound?”

“Healing up pretty well, actually.”

A silence fell over you two before the commander spoke up again.  
“You know, I’ve been worried about you. Ever since I noticed you, I have felt some kind of confusion? Attraction? I don’t know…”

His blonde hair slightly moved in the wind and you were in awe of how handsome he looked. Was this some kind of confession?

“I can’t deny I have felt the same, commander. But then, you couldn’t have known that I am a woman. I… I understand if you send me away from the Inquisition. I lied about my identity, about who I was…”

He turned to you, grabbing your shoulders out of pure instinct. You both momentarily froze before turning bright red.

“I don’t care. If anything, I am actually relieved. For a moment I had started to think I had caught feelings for a man. A feminine man at that, but still. Not that there is anything wrong with that, of course. It’s just…”

He paused, scanning your face for any kind of rejection. Relieved when he didn’t find any, he resumed.  
“I am not very good with this. I’ve never really… Been this forward.”

You took in every word he said and smiled. “That’s okay, commander.”  
He softly cupped your cheek, the leather of his glove roughing against your skin.  
Cullen swallowed audibly, flicked his tongue over his lips, and stepped closer.

“If you’d like it too, and I want you to tell me honestly, I’d like to kiss—”  
You didn’t let him finish his sentence, already pressing your lips to his.

He tasted of sharp wine and unspoken love.  
It ran deep already, even though he had no idea about who you were a little while ago.

And whilst he kissed you back, bodies pressing together gently, a few pairs of eyes looked on from down below.

Sister Leliana chuckled and gracefully caught a sack of coins Solas tossed her way.  
“I'll never bet about such things with you again, Nightingale. I suppose I thought higher of Cullen, that he would’ve noticed she was a woman way sooner—”  
“Yeah, Solas, I get it. You’re just sour that you’ve lost your gold.”

Josephine stifled a giggle behind her fist and looked over at Mother Giselle.  
“I can’t believe it, that he hadn’t noticed sooner! (Y/n) has no deep voice at all.”

Mother Giselle smiled a bit.  
“If I am being frank, I hadn’t taken notice of it, either. Until I had to patch her up. No man has _those_ hanging on his chest, if I may state it so boldly.”

They burst out in laughter, though quiet enough to not alert you and Cullen.  
After all, why would they want to interrupt such a passionate make-out session?


End file.
